No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
