Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
