they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
