i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
