his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
