I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
