You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
