Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
