I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
