you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize