That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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