Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
