i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She needs sedatives and a leash
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
