i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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