Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
