White coat. Heels.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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