New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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