i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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