im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
