had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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