my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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