Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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