Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
