my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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