I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
