My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
