Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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