I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
