no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
