the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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