I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
