i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
