She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
