So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
