I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
