:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
