Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
