She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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