I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
