he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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