The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You are a genius and a whore.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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