Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
