dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
They are going to name an STD after you.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
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