If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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