im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
