I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
