Got a toothbrush?
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
