bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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