the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
