smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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