Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize