Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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