Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
