I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
