i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we're making bets on your personal life
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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