I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
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