can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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