dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
