Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
