I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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