Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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