I accidentally had phone sex last night
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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