Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
