So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
