it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize