This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
