would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
