When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
