My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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