you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
