R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize