Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
