I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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