I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
