Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
